I started to write a post about stereotypical play in autism – then realized that I really don’t feel like writing about autism today. I’m not sure what I DO feel like writing about. I’m not sure I feel like writing at all.  In general, I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed about studying for my PH.D. comprehensive exams, and wondering if I even want to complete the Ph.D.  I think part of the problem is that I’m still not sleeping well, and that affects my energy level and motivation.  It makes it hard to concentrate when I’m reading, and that worries me. I also have a lot of deadlines I need to meet this week for fellowship applications and paper proposals.  I’ve been thinking: do I really want to continue on this treadmill called academia? There is a definite cycle to it: each fall, you apply for fellowships, scholarships, and send out paper proposals for spring conferences. You also are teaching, grading, studying, teaching, grading….And if you have any papers accepted to conferences you applied to the previous spring, you attend the conferences and give the papers. Then over the holidays, if you have papers accepted to spring conferences, you write/revise the papers. Then in the early spring you send out more paper proposals for summer and fall conferences. You revise papers for publication. You attend conferences and present your papers. You teach and grade, study, teach and grade, study. You send out papers to journals. Then you spend the summer doing research and writing (and possibly doing more teaching). If you are teaching new courses in the fall you do the preparatory reading and planning.

Somewhere in here I’m supposed to be studying for my exams, and then if I pass them I’m supposed to write my dissertation. And then I’ll need to be involved in a very time-consuming and costly job hunt. All the while teaching, grading, researching, reading, writing…..And once if get a tenure track job (IF I get a tenure track job) I’ll be doing all this while writing books and serving on committees.  And did I mention I have a family? And I serve at church?

No wonder I’m tired. And I need my sleep, which I’m not getting……

Sorry for the rant. Maybe I’ll feel more like writing something later…

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